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God Is Bigger


            I’ve had a lot of people ask me how I’m doing so I figured it was time for an update. I am recovering really well! I am still a little sore, but I stopped taking painkillers last Tuesday and I feel really good. I have a follow up appointment next Monday and Nate and I will talk to the doctor about coming up with a game plan. I am anxious to get the next part of this journey started. In the mean time I have been doing a lot of research on my condition as well as finding ways to reduce the effects of endometriosis through natural means like my diet and lifestyle. I would really appreciate it if anyone would like to share suggestions or their own personal stories with me!
            On a more emotional level, it has been difficult. It didn’t really hit me until last week and I think I have the drugs to thank for that. Last Tuesday I was sitting at home doing research and it seemed like everything I read was just telling me how slim my chances are. Apparently having a unicornuate uterus gives me a 42%-61% chance of miscarriage every pregnancy. If I don’t miscarry, the chances of having a stillbirth, premature birth and other complications are really high. Between Endometriosis and having a gimpy uterus, I felt defeated. For several days I sulked and threw myself a pity party. I thought about all the things that could go wrong and the more I researched, the more defeated I felt. I read story after story of women losing babies. I broke down and sobbed for hours. I am still so heartbroken from losing Hunter and our other two babies so how am I supposed to have the courage to get pregnant again when there is such a big chance that Nate and I will lose another baby?
            This question has been weighing heavily on my mind. Part of me has just wanted to give up right now because I feel like there are so many things against Nate and I. I have been praying for guidance and courage, but it still seemed like I had crashed and burned and I just couldn’t find the strength to get back up. It wasn’t until Nate and I were out with friends in the mountains that I found that strength.
            The scenery was absolutely breathtaking. I was surrounded by huge trees and rolling hills. The sun was beating down on my back, warming me from the inside out. I was sitting on a log by myself listening to a little stream and the wind. I was watching the dogs play and thinking about our situation when a thought popped into my head- God is bigger. 
             It seemed so simple, but it was exactly what I needed. GOD IS BIGGER! He is bigger then endometriosis and a unicornuate uterus. He is bigger then the statistics stacked against Nate and I. He is bigger then all of this and He loves me and He loves Nate. He knows what we are going through and He has a plan for us. I don’t understand all of the reasons why we have to go through this, but I don’t need to understand. I just need to know that I have a Heavenly Father that is even in the finest details of our life. I need to trust in Him and trust in His plan for us. It isn’t going to be easy, but He never promised easy. I know that Nate and I will have more children in the future. I don’t know if it will be naturally or through adoption, but I can’t wait! I don’t care how they come to us- I am just so excited for them to get here. 

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