One Day At A Time

The Call I startled awake at the sound of my phone ringing loudly. It was 3:10 a.m. and my heart jumped when I saw the name on the screen. It was Shannon's mom. Shannon is Keegan's amazing birth mom. I answered the call as excitement built in my chest at the sound of her voice. "It's time hun! We are on our way to the hospital now." Nate and I bolted out of bed and changed quickly. Nate's parents were visiting us, so we let them know the news and ran out the door. Our son was on his way! It's Baby Time! We arrived at the hospital around 5:30 a.m. and greeted Shannon and her mom. Nate's parents met us at the hospital a fews hours later and were able to meet Shannon and her mom for the first time. The next nine hours were filled with lots of talking, laughing, tears and uncertainty. Her labor was progressing regularly, but as her contractions strengthened, the doctor noticed Keegan's heart rate was dropping. They monitored her closely and noted

You see me and I smile. You ask me how I am and I put on a brave face and tell you I am well, even if I’m not. A part of me wishes that I could show you a glimpse of the pain and love I feel, just so you could understand why I will never “get over it”. You would see memories that I play and replay, forever wondering if there was something I could have done to change the outcome-If there was something I could have done to save the lives of my children. If you could have a moment in my shoes, you would feel the aching of my empty arms and the overwhelming sorrow that I feel everyday, being the mom to four angels. If I could give you a peek into my life, you would feel the pain and disbelief as I remember the day I found out I was having a miscarriage for the first time. You would see my second pregnancy come to a devastating end at nineteen weeks and the day I gently placed my son in a casket, kissed his head and slowly closed the lid, knowing that was the last time I would see his