One Day At A Time

Every morning when I wake up, there is a brief moment when my mind is completely empty. Then every memory from the past two weeks comes rushing back and I feel sick. I wish I could just go back in time. Back to when I was pregnant and excited about the arrival of our baby. I want to go back to planning the nursery and writing down baby names. I want to go back to the nights when Nate would put his mouth next to my belly and say, “hi baby, it’s daddy. Your mommy and I love you so much and can’t wait to meet you.” What I wouldn’t give to have just one more day. It is crazy how life changes in a single moment. One moment I was lying in bed watching a movie and the next moment my water is breaking and all I can think is, “please let my baby be ok.” I can’t tell you how many prayers I said begging Heavenly Father for a miracle. I have never prayed so hard in my life. Some would say that Heavenly Father didn’t answer my prayer and that I didn’t get a miracle. I would have to st

Last Thursday we laid our sweet Hunter to rest. It was a beautiful service. The service began with a prayer and then our nieces and nephews got up and sang, “I Am A Child Of God”.  I couldn’t help but smile as all of Hunter’s cousin stood by him and sang their little hearts out. I could feel Hunter’s presence and I’m sure he was up there singing with them. Nate’s father then stood and gave a beautiful talk. He talked about how this experience has brought us closer together as a family and closer to our Savior. He said that we did not have to be sad for Hunter because he is in a wonderful place. I wish I could remember more details about what he said, but I was pretty emotional. I just remember that I loved everything he said. Nate then stood and dedicated the grave for our son. Tears rolled down my cheeks as Hunter was then lowered into the ground. My heart ached when I saw the small box sitting in the dirt. I wanted to pull him back up and cradle him in my arms. I wanted

            This will probably be the most difficult post to write. Part of me wants to keep these memories all to myself. They are so special and dear to my heart, but there is a bigger part of me that knows Hunter’s story is meant to be shared. His short life has forever changed me.             Friday was a beautiful fall day. I had looked forward to this day. My older sister, Jen, had just arrived from California to visit. My other two older sisters, Bev and Sarah, were also coming to visit later that day. I was also looking forward to receiving a visit from two of my best girl friends, Lindsay and Noelle. My day did not go as planned.             Jen and Lindsay were with me when I came out of the bathroom and said, “I think I’m having the baby.” They quickly rushed me to the hospital. I called Nate and told him to meet us there. They got me up into labor and delivery and did an ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed that our little fighter’s heart had stopped beating.

Playing sports for most of my life has left me no stranger to pain. I have been elbowed in the face, kicked in the shin, and gotten many nasty bruises. I have had torn muscles and broken bones, but nothing could have prepared me for the pain I felt on Sunday. I started having small contractions Saturday night. Nate and I were on the couch and I kept feeling small twinges. I thought they were stretching pains, but I noticed my abdomen was tightening. It didn’t hurt all that badly so I took a couple of Tylenol and went to bed. Throughout the night I woke up every few hours because the twinges started to get worse. I finally got up around 5:30 Sunday morning because I couldn’t ignore the pain anymore. It wasn’t terrible. It was just very uncomfortable. I hadn’t been sure before if they were contractions or not, but the pain started getting more intense and they were getting closer together. There was no denying that these were contractions. Nate came out on the couch with