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My Baby Is In The Stars


This has been a day that I have been looking forward to and dreading at the same time. This is the day that the baby boy who was supposed to be my baby boy’s best friend was born. At around 6:30 this morning Nate got a call from our friend Marcus. He let us know that his wife, Rhiannon, was in the hospital and that she would be delivering soon. Rhiannon is one of my best friends and was due almost exactly a month before me. We were pregnant buddies. We talked about morning sickness and told each other when we felt our babies move. She found out she was having a boy a few weeks before our gender check. We joked around that if Nate and I had a girl, they would get married one day and if we had a boy, they would be best friends like us. Our other best friend, Hannah, began planning our double baby shower before we lost Hunter. After Hunter passed away I was so excited for Marcus and Rhiannon, but I was so sad that we didn’t have the happy ending that they were going to have.
 After we received the call that she was about to have the baby, I was filled with excitement at the thought of a new life coming into this world. I was also scared because this was going to be the day I would be going back to the hospital where I had Hunter. I felt my eyes begin to prickle and it got hard to breath as I thought about returning to the hospital. I couldn’t stop thinking about my little Hunter over the next couple of hours. I imagined what life would be like if he had lived. I imagined what he would look like right now.
As my imagination ran wild and tears were fighting to make their way out, a bunch of lights caught my eye.  I walked towards them and as I got closer my heart began to beat faster. The sun was streaming through our bedroom window onto the table that I had put together for Hunter. The light was reflecting hundreds of bright little stars all over the walls. I walked in front of the table and the stars covered me from head to toe and I was filled with love. Hunter was with me. My amazing little boy knew that today was going to be a bittersweet day and he was letting me know that he would be with me.
You can call this coincidence, but I know it was so much more. Whenever I see the night sky full of billions of stars, I think about my little angel in Heaven. I feel him close when I look at the stars. I don’t know what it is about the stars that make him feel so near, but they do. He knew exactly what I needed today. I needed stars. I needed to know that he wasn’t really gone. He found a way to show me that he was with me and that he loves me. He gave me the strength I needed to go to the hospital and to hold a handsome and healthy newborn and feel nothing but love as I looked at his beautiful face. I may not get to hold my baby in my arms and snuggle him the way I want to, but my baby can give me stars. 

My beautiful stars <3

Welcome to the family Weston!!!! <3

Comments

  1. UnknownFebruary 9, 2015 at 2:36 PM

    Oh Lauren, it is impossible to read this without crying. My heart feels so deeply for you. I just know that your little angel loves his mom so much and he is never far from you. Families are forever and although you can't snuggle with him the way you want to, he is so very near you. What a tender mercy. I love you <3

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