When I said we were starting our adoption adventure, I had no idea what a busy adventure it would be. We have seriously been going nonstop since we walked through the door to the adoption agency in August. Between paperwork, home inspections, interviews, background checks, parenting classes, CPR classes, fundraising, creating our adoption profile, working full time, serving in church positions and just life in general, life has been busy to say the least. The adoption auction was a HUGE success and we are so incredibly grateful to everyone who helped us by participating, spreading the word and donating. It has been so exciting to move forward with the adoption process and to see things fall into place. It seems like there has been one miracle after another and everyday we get closer to meeting our sweet baby.
We have a couple of exciting updates. One is that that our adoption profile is up and running. To take a look at our profile, click here! It has been so much fun putting our profile together, but it is also intimidating because this is what expectant parents see. As part of the profile, we wrote a letter to expectant parents and that was a daunting task. On the one hand we want to express our excitement about adopting, but on the other hand our hearts are breaking for the expectant parents who are facing the difficult decision of whether or not to place their child for adoption. The MOST exciting update we have is that we have been talking with expectant mothers! Talking with expectant mothers is a little bit like dating. The expectant parent(s) look through hopeful adoptive parent profiles and if they see a family they are interested in then they contact the family. You talk and get to know about each other to see if it is a good fit. We have spoken with a few expectant mothers and they have all been incredibly sweet. It is crazy to think that we could get a call at any time saying that we have been chosen! I hope that call comes soon!
The adoption world is new to us and we have been learning A LOT. I have been wanting to write a post about some of the things we have been learning and answer some of the questions we are asked frequently. If there are any questions you have that aren't included in this post, please feel free to ask. First off, I am going to start with a little vocabulary lesson because all of the adoption terminology can get a little confusing. I will be using these terms frequently throughout the post.
Expectant mom and expectant dad: These are the biological parents of the child who have not yet placed a child for adoption. Right now we are speaking with expectant parents who are considering adoption.
Birth mom and birth dad: The biological parents of a child who has been placed for adoption. Once we adopt, we will refer to the biological parents as the birth mom and birth dad.
Matching: Matching is what happens when expectant parents choose Nate and I as adoptive parents for their child and we feel it is a good match. In dating terms, we basically "become exclusive" because that is when we stop talking to other expectant parents and only talk to who we have been matched with.
Placement: This is once the baby is born and we get to bring the baby home. YAY!!!
Finalization: This is when we go before the judge and the adoption becomes official. This typically happens around 6 months after placement.
Open Adoption: An open adoption means that we stay in contact with the birth parents.
Closed Adoption: A closed adoption means we won't have contact with the birth parents.
I think the question we get most often is, "Why is it so expensive to adopt?" Let me say first that we are NOT "buying a baby". I am really not a fan of when people refer to adoption as purchasing a child. We are paying for the services needed in order to make it possible for us to adopt. Some of the money went to our background check. Some of it was for our home study. This is where they inspect our home and interview us to make sure that we would be providing a safe home for a child. Some of the money goes to social workers who work incredibly hard to make adoption possible. Our case worker guides us every step of the way. When expectant mothers contact us on our adoption profile, our case worker speaks to them to find out more about their situation. They then facilitate the conversations between us and expectant parent(s). They offer them counseling services to make sure they make the best decision for themselves and their child. They help us with the paperwork and the legal aspect of adoption. Some money goes to a marketing team. They are the ones that design our adoptive parent profile. We write everything and then it is put before a review panel to make sure we answer the kinds of questions that expectant parents want to know. They advertise our parent profile all over social media. There are also the legal fees to our lawyer once we are matched with an expectant mother and placement happens. There is a finalization fee and that's when the adoption becomes official. Yes, adoption is expensive, but it will totally be worth it!
Another question we get a lot is, "Once you adopt, will you stay in contact with the birth parents?" We really want to have an open adoption, so yes, we plan on staying in contact with the birth parents. We feel this is in the best interest of our child. Research shows that open adoptions are very beneficial for all parties involved. The level of openness will be determined by what the birth parents are comfortable with and what Nate and I are comfortable with. It could mean monthly updates with photos. It could mean occasional visits. The level of openness could change depending on circumstances, but we really hope to have a close relationship with the birth parent(s).
One of the other questions we have gotten is, "Are you open to adopting a child with disabilities?" Nate and I wouldn't be able to control whether or not our biological children have disabilities, so we will not say no to adopting a child with disabilities. If Nate and I adopt a child with physical or mental disabilities, then we will learn how to best raise our child and provide them with the very best resources we can. Most of all we will love them and provide a safe and stable environment for them. Does a child with disabilities deserve less love than a child without? I sure don't think so!
The last thing I am going to talk about is birth parents. They tend to receive a lot of negative judgement for placing a child for adoption or for getting pregnant when they are not in a position to parent. I have nothing but respect for those who choose to place their child for adoption. They are not "giving up their child." They are not "taking the easy way out." They are people who love their child deeply and want their child to have a life that they are not be able to provide. They are making a very selfless and heartbreaking decision to place their child for adoption with the intention of giving their child the best life possible. This is a choice made out of love. When Nate and I adopt, we will not speak negatively about our child's birth parents. We ask that others not speak of them negatively either. They may not be perfect, but who is? They will have given Nate and I the most beautiful gift and there are not enough words to describe the gratitude we will have for those birth parents.
I recently saw a quote and thought it was perfect for our situation. "It's not that I love waiting. I just love the person I am waiting for." Nate and I can't wait for the day we are chosen. Every time my phone rings, my heart skips a beat and I pray it's the call saying there is a baby for us. When I imagine the day that Nate and I do get the call that there is a baby for our family and then we are handed a perfect little baby wrapped in a soft blanket and we see their precious face for the first time, my heart feels like it's going to explode. Yes, adoption is a long process. Yes, the adoption process is an emotional roller coaster. Yes, it is expensive. Yes, I have cried and gotten my hopes up already. Yes, it takes patience and hard work. No, it is not easy. Yes, it will all be worth it!
We have a couple of exciting updates. One is that that our adoption profile is up and running. To take a look at our profile, click here! It has been so much fun putting our profile together, but it is also intimidating because this is what expectant parents see. As part of the profile, we wrote a letter to expectant parents and that was a daunting task. On the one hand we want to express our excitement about adopting, but on the other hand our hearts are breaking for the expectant parents who are facing the difficult decision of whether or not to place their child for adoption. The MOST exciting update we have is that we have been talking with expectant mothers! Talking with expectant mothers is a little bit like dating. The expectant parent(s) look through hopeful adoptive parent profiles and if they see a family they are interested in then they contact the family. You talk and get to know about each other to see if it is a good fit. We have spoken with a few expectant mothers and they have all been incredibly sweet. It is crazy to think that we could get a call at any time saying that we have been chosen! I hope that call comes soon!
The adoption world is new to us and we have been learning A LOT. I have been wanting to write a post about some of the things we have been learning and answer some of the questions we are asked frequently. If there are any questions you have that aren't included in this post, please feel free to ask. First off, I am going to start with a little vocabulary lesson because all of the adoption terminology can get a little confusing. I will be using these terms frequently throughout the post.
Expectant mom and expectant dad: These are the biological parents of the child who have not yet placed a child for adoption. Right now we are speaking with expectant parents who are considering adoption.
Birth mom and birth dad: The biological parents of a child who has been placed for adoption. Once we adopt, we will refer to the biological parents as the birth mom and birth dad.
Matching: Matching is what happens when expectant parents choose Nate and I as adoptive parents for their child and we feel it is a good match. In dating terms, we basically "become exclusive" because that is when we stop talking to other expectant parents and only talk to who we have been matched with.
Placement: This is once the baby is born and we get to bring the baby home. YAY!!!
Finalization: This is when we go before the judge and the adoption becomes official. This typically happens around 6 months after placement.
Open Adoption: An open adoption means that we stay in contact with the birth parents.
Closed Adoption: A closed adoption means we won't have contact with the birth parents.
I think the question we get most often is, "Why is it so expensive to adopt?" Let me say first that we are NOT "buying a baby". I am really not a fan of when people refer to adoption as purchasing a child. We are paying for the services needed in order to make it possible for us to adopt. Some of the money went to our background check. Some of it was for our home study. This is where they inspect our home and interview us to make sure that we would be providing a safe home for a child. Some of the money goes to social workers who work incredibly hard to make adoption possible. Our case worker guides us every step of the way. When expectant mothers contact us on our adoption profile, our case worker speaks to them to find out more about their situation. They then facilitate the conversations between us and expectant parent(s). They offer them counseling services to make sure they make the best decision for themselves and their child. They help us with the paperwork and the legal aspect of adoption. Some money goes to a marketing team. They are the ones that design our adoptive parent profile. We write everything and then it is put before a review panel to make sure we answer the kinds of questions that expectant parents want to know. They advertise our parent profile all over social media. There are also the legal fees to our lawyer once we are matched with an expectant mother and placement happens. There is a finalization fee and that's when the adoption becomes official. Yes, adoption is expensive, but it will totally be worth it!
Another question we get a lot is, "Once you adopt, will you stay in contact with the birth parents?" We really want to have an open adoption, so yes, we plan on staying in contact with the birth parents. We feel this is in the best interest of our child. Research shows that open adoptions are very beneficial for all parties involved. The level of openness will be determined by what the birth parents are comfortable with and what Nate and I are comfortable with. It could mean monthly updates with photos. It could mean occasional visits. The level of openness could change depending on circumstances, but we really hope to have a close relationship with the birth parent(s).
One of the other questions we have gotten is, "Are you open to adopting a child with disabilities?" Nate and I wouldn't be able to control whether or not our biological children have disabilities, so we will not say no to adopting a child with disabilities. If Nate and I adopt a child with physical or mental disabilities, then we will learn how to best raise our child and provide them with the very best resources we can. Most of all we will love them and provide a safe and stable environment for them. Does a child with disabilities deserve less love than a child without? I sure don't think so!
The last thing I am going to talk about is birth parents. They tend to receive a lot of negative judgement for placing a child for adoption or for getting pregnant when they are not in a position to parent. I have nothing but respect for those who choose to place their child for adoption. They are not "giving up their child." They are not "taking the easy way out." They are people who love their child deeply and want their child to have a life that they are not be able to provide. They are making a very selfless and heartbreaking decision to place their child for adoption with the intention of giving their child the best life possible. This is a choice made out of love. When Nate and I adopt, we will not speak negatively about our child's birth parents. We ask that others not speak of them negatively either. They may not be perfect, but who is? They will have given Nate and I the most beautiful gift and there are not enough words to describe the gratitude we will have for those birth parents.
I recently saw a quote and thought it was perfect for our situation. "It's not that I love waiting. I just love the person I am waiting for." Nate and I can't wait for the day we are chosen. Every time my phone rings, my heart skips a beat and I pray it's the call saying there is a baby for us. When I imagine the day that Nate and I do get the call that there is a baby for our family and then we are handed a perfect little baby wrapped in a soft blanket and we see their precious face for the first time, my heart feels like it's going to explode. Yes, adoption is a long process. Yes, the adoption process is an emotional roller coaster. Yes, it is expensive. Yes, I have cried and gotten my hopes up already. Yes, it takes patience and hard work. No, it is not easy. Yes, it will all be worth it!
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| "Adoption is another word for love" |
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