With the recent loss of our little girl and Hunter's second birthday coming up, I have spent a lot of time thinking of the babies we have lost and how much I miss and love them. As silly as it seems, one day I was sitting on my couch writing and words began flowing. I am not a poet, but I ended up writing a poem. It has taken me months to finally have the courage to share this, but I feel like now is the right time to share.
A mother's love is one of the most powerful and pure forms of love. It is beautiful how much a mother can love, even if she only carries her child for a matter of weeks. The length of a pregnancy is not an accurate way of measuring the strength or depth of a mother's love. The grief I feel from the loss of my children is evidence that I loved, and that I loved deeply. Grief is not weakness and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Losing a child is a heartbreak that words cannot adequately express and it's not something that one can just "move on" from. Learning that the children I love so dearly were no longer going to come to me, due to miscarriage, has been the most devastating series of trials I have ever experienced. It has been a journey of learning how to live with my grief. It is not something I will ever "get over". This poem is for every mother who has lost a child and a tribute to my four angels.
A mother's love is one of the most powerful and pure forms of love. It is beautiful how much a mother can love, even if she only carries her child for a matter of weeks. The length of a pregnancy is not an accurate way of measuring the strength or depth of a mother's love. The grief I feel from the loss of my children is evidence that I loved, and that I loved deeply. Grief is not weakness and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Losing a child is a heartbreak that words cannot adequately express and it's not something that one can just "move on" from. Learning that the children I love so dearly were no longer going to come to me, due to miscarriage, has been the most devastating series of trials I have ever experienced. It has been a journey of learning how to live with my grief. It is not something I will ever "get over". This poem is for every mother who has lost a child and a tribute to my four angels.
If I Never Had To Say Goodbye
If I never had to say goodbye,
I would hold you while you sleep.
I'd tell you mommy loves you so,
And listen to your sweet heartbeat.
They said becoming a mom would change me,
They didn't mean like this.
You weren't supposed to go so soon,
Without a single kiss.
I never knew I could miss someone,
As deeply as I do.
Everyday feels like a year,
Now that I'm not with you.
If only love had saved you,
You'd be dreaming in my arms.
Instead you're up in Heaven,
Dancing among the stars.
I don't know why God had to take you.
I know He has a plan.
I wish it hadn't been like this,
But I try to understand.
Now I watch for butterflies,
As a sign that you're still here.
I send a wish upon their wings,
That one day I'll hold you near.
If I never had to say goodbye,
I would hold you close,
I'll remember you my little one,
Please know, I love you so.
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