One Day At A Time

You see me and I smile. You ask me how I am and I put on a brave face and tell you I am well, even if I’m not. A part of me wishes that I could show you a glimpse of the pain and love I feel, just so you could understand why I will never “get over it”. You would see memories that I play and replay, forever wondering if there was something I could have done to change the outcome-If there was something I could have done to save the lives of my children. If you could have a moment in my shoes, you would feel the aching of my empty arms and the overwhelming sorrow that I feel everyday, being the mom to four angels. If I could give you a peek into my life, you would feel the pain and disbelief as I remember the day I found out I was having a miscarriage for the first time. You would see my second pregnancy come to a devastating end at nineteen weeks and the day I gently placed my son in a casket, kissed his head and slowly closed the lid, knowing that was the last time I would see his

           We are MATCHED!!! The adoption process so far has been such an incredible experience for Nate and I. A lot of people have been asking me how everything happened, so I thought it would be fun to tell the story of how we got matched. Just in case anyone isn't familiar with the term "matched" this means that we have been chosen by an expectant mother to become the adoptive parents of her child. It is a very exciting step! :) Also, out of respect for the expectant mother's privacy, we will not be giving any identifying information, so please don't be offended if you ask us a question and we choose not to answer. The best Christmas gift I could have ever dreamed of.         About a month a half ago, we received a message from an expectant mother. We had already spoken with a few other expectant mothers and while they were all amazing, something felt different as we spoke with this expectant mother. The conversation flowed easily and we had a lot in comm

          When I said we were starting our adoption adventure, I had no idea what a busy adventure it would be. We have seriously been going nonstop since we walked through the door to the adoption agency in August. Between paperwork, home inspections, interviews, background checks, parenting classes, CPR classes, fundraising, creating our adoption profile, working full time, serving in church positions and just life in general, life has been busy to say the least. The adoption auction was a HUGE success and we are so incredibly grateful to everyone who helped us by participating, spreading the word and donating. It has been so exciting to move forward with the adoption process and to see things fall into place. It seems like there has been one miracle after another and everyday we get closer to meeting our sweet baby.           We have a couple of exciting updates. One is that that our adoption profile is up and running. To take a look at our profile, click  here ! It has been so muc

With the recent loss of our little girl and Hunter's second birthday coming up, I have spent a lot of time thinking of the babies we have lost and how much I miss and love them. As silly as it seems, one day I was sitting on my couch writing and words began flowing. I am not a poet, but I ended up writing a poem. It has taken me months to finally have the courage to share this, but I feel like now is the right time to share. A mother's love is one of the most powerful and pure forms of love. It is beautiful how much a mother can love, even if she only carries her child for a matter of weeks. The length of a pregnancy is not an accurate way of measuring the strength or depth of a mother's love. The grief I feel from the loss of my children is evidence that I loved, and that I loved deeply. Grief is not weakness and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Losing a child is a heartbreak that words cannot adequately express and it's not something that one can just "move on&q

      Hello Friends, Family, and all those who have so genuinely opened their hearts to us!         First off, let me thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the love and support you have so freely offered! We have started the adoption process and things are going so much better than we ever thought possible. In an effort to expedite our ability to cover the things that will need to be covered, we have agreed to allow our friends to sponsor a benefit dinner and auction on our behalf.           Here's the lowdown; They have titled it "Madsen’s Adoption Auction".        Our event will be held on Saturday, September 10 th from 6:30-8 p.m. at the Rexburg Flight Museum, so please save the date.  (Special thanks to John Bagley and Glenn Embree for making this location possible.)        If you're up for some friendly competition, you are invited to sign up as a participant in a good old fashioned chili cook off. Prizes will be awarded to the top th

          I still can’t even believe everything that has happened over the past week! Nate and I walked into an adoption agency a week ago and began the process to become adoptive parents! We are so excited and we are already in love with the little one that is meant to be in our family. Some of you may be wondering how we have come to this decision so quickly, but to be honest with you, this is something Nate and I have planned on doing since before we were even married. When Nate and I were dating and discussing what we wanted for our future, I told him I wanted to adopt. He eagerly jumped on board and that was the very first step to get to where we are.            When Nate and I talked about adoption, we always thought it was something in the distant future. We would own a house and Nate would be in his career. We planned on having a couple of biological children first and then we would begin adopting. This changed after I miscarried for a third time. An exploratory surgery reve